The Top 5 Things You Never Wanna Hear Girls Say!

No. 1 - "I'm late."

No, we don't mean for work. For every guy who has ever heard this, it's come out sounding more like “Your life is over.” No amount of commitment is going to make this statement any easier to take. We won't even get into the impact this would have coming from a one-night stand… The impact these two little words can have on any man is just too great to put into actual words, but we'll try: nine months of hell, sleepless nights, crying, breast milk, hormones -- OK, we can't go on.

No. 2 - "Are you done?"

Now you are. No matter how close you were to your peak, this question can instantly send you back to your starting point with a nauseous feeling of defeat. While a few courageous souls might reply, “No, but we are if you ask that again,” the majority of you will likely be too shell-shocked upon the realization that your Olympic-grade performance didn’t impress your No. 1 judge.

No. 3 - "Aw, it's so cute!"

While you were once confident that you were the length of a baseball bat, had the girth of a redwood, with the dexterity of a Samurai sword, being called "cute" can clearly undermine your entire masculine reverie. And if you’ve had a bad history of women describing you as cute, hearing it one more time is just not something you want to hear her say. Of course, if your girlfriend asks, “Are my boobs too small?” shortly after, feel free to reply, “I'm sorry, your what?”

No. 4 - "Don't worry, he's just my ex."

But, of course, that’s precisely the reason you do worry. He used to be with your wife/girlfriend; they shared secrets, laughed together and had inside jokes -- not to mention the fact that they once got naked together. So if he is an ex -- meaning former, past or previous -- why is he still around in the present, and why now? This is the equivalent of your girlfriend saying, "I’m just gonna swim outside the shark cage, they don’t attack humans." Maybe statistically they don't, but intuitively it still doesn’t sit right -- there's always a slim possibility…

No.5 - "We need to talk."

Cue the dramatic music, please. This heavy phrase you never want to hear her say is the classic tip-off that something bad is about to happen. And in the few seconds before she tells you what that bad thing is, your stomach flips around like a fish in a frying pan as you think about the range of possibilities. Is it over? Does she want time away? Did you forget the milk, again? Regardless, one thing is clear: you are about to be told you are deficient in some way, and it ain't gonna be pretty.